Bit close to the bone but ...
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her, 'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go uppastairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making Italian pasta.'
So, uppastairs she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests. Go uppastairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So, uppastairs she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.
'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go uppastairs and he'll take good care of you.'
So, uppastairs she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'
Her mama said, 'Stay here and watch the pasta.